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Let's talk about pressure. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It's something we all do as parents... we typically want our kids to like what WE like and do what WE want to do. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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When a child is not performing how we expect, it can be SUPER frustrating, even for something as simple as jumping in the pool or enjoying gymnastics class or biking down the big hill. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Pressuring our kids leads to frustration on both ends, it also sends a message to them that they aren't enough just as they are. We want something different, something more. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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How do you draw the line between having high expectations and pressuring them to be something they aren't?

Why is it that they CAN'T remember to grab their backpack on the way out the door, but they CAN remember that two years ago Mom gently commented that someday maybe we'll go to Disneyland?

True connection is NOT the extravagant anniversary gift, the vacation you've dreamed of, or the the mushy instagram post (no matter how flattering the photo😉).⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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True connection is paying attention to their favorite music, and choosing THAT when they're in the car. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It is sending them a text saying you love how they interacted with the kids that morning.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It is staying curious and asking questions like, "if you could re-live any day of your life, what one would you choose?". ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It is noticing that they took the smashed-banana covered baby to the sink while you finished your plate, and thanking them for it with a hug. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It is knowing the topic they hate being asked about, and jumping in to change the subject.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Basically, TRUE connection is a result of small daily actions. And all the fancy stuff? It's just exponentially more enjoyable when the small things are taken care of.

“There are moments when all anxiety and stated toil are becalmed in the infinite leisure and repose of nature.”
-Henry David Thoreau.

I’m going off grid for the next week.

You may see a few scheduled posts, but my brain and my heart are ready to log out for a bit.

Love you friends. Happy trails!

See you soon.

Raise a risk taker!

Reasonable risk creates self-esteem, lessons in failure and success, and so much more. It is important with physical tasks, play activities, schoolwork and relationships.

Yes they might scrape their knee or get a bloody nose, they could make a poor choice that you knew could have been avoided- and of course the independence they are given should be age appropriate for their stage of development - BUT it is so very important to not "helicopter" our kids.

Studies show we tend to do this MORE with our girls, helping them more than they need physically and encouraging them less than our boys to try challenging physical tasks.

May we PAUSE before we step in (that includes words, tone, and body language). Could this be a learning opportunity?

Could I ENCOURAGE my child to be brave instead of SCARE them from taking a risk?

Familiarity is part of why we marry.

It's a beautiful thing to know someone so well. To be completely comfortable around your person.

BUT it also can be a detriment to your marriage if you don't continue to grow and learn together, just like you did when you were dating.

Even after years of togetherness, there is TOTALLY a way to keep that spark alive.

Staying curious about your partner, being spontaneous, trying new things together and individually, learning each others dreams and creating new dreams together... all necessary ingredients for a thriving relationship.

How will you grow and change together this week? How will you support growth and adventure in your partner?

#marriage #gottman #growth #knowhowspouse #loveathome #relationshipcoaching #relationshipgoals #relationshipcoach #executivecoaching

Remember: you have two ears and only one mouth, so use them proportionately!

Here are a few tips:

1. Difficult conversations need to happen when both parties are able to handle it without emotional flooding. So: If a comment is made in passing that makes your blood boil, or while the kids are present, or when there's not time to really hash it out, it is OK to say: "I don't feel like I can talk about this right now. Can we talk tonight at 9 after the kids are in bed?". And then make it happen.

2. Give space for your partner (who is most definitely wrong 😉) to speak their truth. Ask questions to prompt them, show that you're curious.... is it possible that you could learn where they are coming from? Is it possible that you could feel empathy or understanding for their situation while also not giving up your core beliefs? (The answer is usually a simple, but not easy, YES.) 3. Now I can see how “when you are right, shut up" can sound bad. It is not to say that you don't get to speak your truth also. It is EXTREMELY important that both partners get a chance to be heard with empathy.

4. The third line speaks for itself. I will never stop preaching the importance of REPAIR. Admitting, starting again, and forgiving are essential for strong relationships.

A few years ago we decided that we needed some time each year with our individual families of origin.

This spring my kids and I gathered in southern Utah.

This weekend Mark‘s kids are gathering at their family cabin and thereabouts.

Our kids get along great, and we have a lot of fun when we’re together. We also think it’s important to spend time alone, cherishing the relationships and memories of each individual families’ childhoods.

Because, fact is, our kids grew up in different households. And they are sensitive to the feelings of other people, sometimes to the point of “erasing” the past.

Having some time to reminisce has been healing and valuable.

Truth be told, I think it’s hard for Mark to go on a “family” trip without his kids. And the same holds true for me, as much as I love my stepkids. (I think I ate a dozen cookies yesterday and grew a big zit on my face today😂). But we’re figuring it out. In baby steps. And you know what? Through all the ups and downs... LOVE WINS.

#stepfamily #loveathome #childhood #familygoals #stepmom #parenting #stepdad #blendedfamilies #knowhowcoach #babysteps