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Second marriages are almost always born out of loss. As are step families.
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That’s why those relationships are so complex, and fraught with challenges.
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It’s as if you marry into a “perpetual problem”, and you need all you’ve got plus more to make things work.
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I am so very grateful to teach the research shared by @gottmaninstitute @activeparenting and others that strengthen our skills and teach us how to embrace our relationship challenges as opportunities.
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I will climb any mountain with you @mark.a.anderson.
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And I’ll ski down them with you, too.

In fact, those unsolvable problems are one of the golden keys to a deep and lasting love. More hints today in my stories about how to dialogue in a way that creates safety, trust, and a bright future.

When we are in gridlock over a perpetual problem, it’s easy to see what our partner is doing or thinking or being that makes us crazy. And all we can think about is changing our partner. “If only they would change we wouldn’t have this problem!”
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This creates even deeper entrenchment in our position.
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But we all know, there’s only one person we can change. And it ain’t our partner.
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So let’s take it from the place we can actually have an impact.
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Right now, think about a gridlocked issue, a broken record argument that you have with your partner. Then, spend some time reflecting on what your personal wishes and dreams are about this conflict. This usually has something to do with a deep personal belief, value, or longing.
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See if you can put that personal dream into one sentence. See stories for more help.

It’s a great day at #uselevated when lunch means family style at @pizzerialimone ! It wasn’t only MY face that lit up when I surprised this gang with the news. #pizzarialimone #loveathome knowhowmom

Don’t get stuck in the perfectionist trap! Research tells us— we only need to get it right about 40% of the time! Go ahead and blow it. Then repair, repair, repair. Try again. Do over. Pull out the magic eraser and practice again together.
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The only thing children learn from a perfect parent is that they must also be perfect. And “perfect” is a very lonely, anxious place to be.
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If you want more on the risks of perfectionism, go listen to the Ted talk by Carol S. Dweck PhD. about growth mindset.
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Then go ahead, and mess up.

Understanding must precede advice or problem-solving.
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All feelings and wishes are acceptable. But not all behavior is acceptable.
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My child isn’t giving me a hard time, my child is having a hard time.
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Just a few of the nuggets we discussed tonight at this lovely home during a private emotion coaching class.
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#gottman #knowhowmom #thegottmaninstitute #parenting #loveathome #smallthingsoften #slc #utah

There aren’t many days in your existence when a perfect collision of your loves present themselves right before your eyes. Tonight I was honored to be a guest with my oldest grandchild to hear principal @utahsymphony string players @madelineonthemove up close and personal, followed by a memorable conversation with conductor Thierry Fisher who showed sincere interest in my grandchild’s musical interests, along with the announcement that this year’s season will be inspired by Utah’s landscape. A perfect collision—or as Seth Jarvis, director of @clarkplanetarium quoted this evening, “an agreeable sensation of bliss”. If you haven’t checked out the upcoming season, get on over to @utahsymphony and plan your visits! I will definitely see you there! 🏜🎼 ✨🧡 #utahsymphony #ad

Parents—you have my deepest respect. #knowhowmom #loveathome #parenting #knowhowcoach #mom #dad #children

The days I finally accepted the fact that my children were unique from me in their temperaments, values, learning styles, and love languages, were the days I learned to love them more deeply than I ever imagined possible.
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How do your children’s tastes, styles, and personalities add color and interest to your life?
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How do you celebrate those differences?
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I hope you play their games, try their food, hear their dreams, and begin each day with curiosity about who they are becoming.
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How have your children challenged and taught you about unconditional, exquisite kinds of love?